


clear coat

by BigScaryDinos



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Matter of Life and Death, No Smut, Not Beta Read, Short One Shot, Talking, planning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:27:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22981741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BigScaryDinos/pseuds/BigScaryDinos
Summary: Matt & Mello get to talking about some plans, Matt doesn't really like them all that much.
Relationships: Matt | Mail Jeevas/Mello | Mihael Keehl
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	clear coat

“And in this story am I dead?” 

Mello doesn’t do much, not a nod or a wave of his hand - he just sits and eyes the man before him. His jaw doesn’t even move. If Matt didn’t know better he would assume he was asleep, drugged, or sick. He would assume something had happened in the span of ten seconds from the near tail end of the story to his obvious question of the conclusion. How they ended up in the abandoned mall was anyone’s guess, probably an old gang hangout from when there was still a gang to hang out, but how they ended up with such a clearly suicidal plan was a totally different question.

They sit on the filthy carpet of a store closed for years and looking at each other through the dusty midnight light coming from broken sky lights. The world seems too funny here in America with all it’s forgotten places. The forgotten people making homes inside of them. The forgotten sounds those people can make in the dead of night when the plans begin to fall into place - then break apart. Matt doesn’t want to hear anything, doesn't want to process the information he’s just been handed. He doesn’t even really want to hear the answer; his lack of a answer is more than enough evidence that he’ll be a corpse before long thanks to Mello and his schemes. He thinks he is too far from home to die.   


“I’ll take that as yes. I’m dead.” Matt manages to roll his eyes for a second, letting out a huff, soft and small into the air. He feels like he’s all out of space, a man run out of air. A plane cruises by miles above them, the stars seem to flicker in the dark. The world keeps turning and turning. Matt imagines his death scene; will it be violent and brutal or soft and sweet. That wouldn’t be the Kira way, nobody on this side of the fight gets to die in their lovers arms with a kiss on the face. He never even wanted to pick a side, he just wanted that stupid little shit in front of him to settle down. He was never going to be L but he could still be Mello. He could still have a life; could still run away and put all of this shit behind him. Kira must have assumed he was dead because he was still alive and that alone was a once in a lifetime gift. Matt huffs again; this place reeks like mold. 

“To be fair in this story I am also dead.” Mello manages, there is no sound at all in the room other than breathing, just his flat affect with words that seem to mean nothing to him. Suddenly this addition to the story makes things take a nightmarish twist. As if death wasn’t bad enough to now add a new layer of torment. Fuck. Fucking fuck. Why can’t he just run. Why can he never turn away. Why is being alive never just fucking good enough.   


“That makes it worse - considerably worse.” Matt lets his voice rise and echo inside the empty chambers. Mello quirks one eye up, what remains of his brow furrowing into his forehead and finding itself a home among the scar burned there. He didn’t feel like even wasting his words; there was no reason to ask why since he knew Matt well enough. Knew he would supply his reasoning unprompted. Matt was not the type of person to be quiet when he has so many thoughts on a subject. Sure enough his words come out easily. “It makes it worse because then I’m dead for nothing.” His words get louder; erratic and emotional in the way that only Matt can. “Dead for fuck - all nothing.” 

“You wanna explain how it's for nothing exactly? If this works we’re going to help stop Kira.”

“Honestly - I don’t give a shit about Kira.” Matt stands and turns, the small room seeming so much smaller, so much warmer. Dressing rooms to the back with burned out neons above them. Mirrors broken into pieces around them. Mud and dirt and mold living where nobody else has in years; he’ll be turned to Earth sooner rather than later. He fights the shivers under his jacket. He shakes his head for a second as if to clear the thought. He wants to ask if he can smoke in here but then changes his mind and pulls out the pack of Camels from his back pocket and lights up anyway. Who is going to stop him in this long forgotten place? “I care about you. About us. I mean if I died because you needed me to; to help you I would. You know that.” His words slurred by the bobbing cigarette between his clenched teeth. His hands shake and Mello doesn’t say a word but sees it all the same. “If you die what’s the fucking point?” A lighter sparks a flame in the dark. 

“Near will - “

“Fuck Near.” 

“Fuck you.” 

“Fuck me? Fuck me?” Matt turns again, walking closer to where Mello still sits, legs folded on the ground. “Fuck me. Okay.” They both know how Mello feels about Near, but Matt knows how he feels about Mello and the circle keeps turning; a snake eating itself with no resolution forever and ever amen.   


“Okay.” Mello’s voice is still emotionless; he watches the light in the dark, up and down, up and down. Matt is the lighthouse to Mello’s moment of blind hopelessness and now Matt is erratic in his own way, the lighthouse broken past all fixing and shining it’s beacon into the night without a goal. Matt sits finally, close to Mello’s legs. “Fuck you.” Mello says a second time, a smile finally quirking into his voice. This plan is already set into motion, just by breathing the words out loud they both understand it will happen and now it is just time to sit back and let it happen. The panic and fear and anger it ebbs and flows in a natural way between the two of them. It’s nearly too dark to see anything at all and they both understand that anybody else could be here. Near’s thousands of eyes, Kira himself could be standing just outside the reach of the moonlight but it doesn’t seem to matter. They are both here and they are all that matters in this second. 

“I really am feeling something for you. Do you even understand that. Or am I just like some fucking body to you?” Matt’s fingers tighten around Mello’s thighs, he wonders for a second how they got there - doesn’t remember the initial contact but that is how it is between them. There are spaces of missing time. Missing moments. For all his intelligence Mello turns blindly to Matt more often than not and the physical touch is all they keep them grounded to each other, tethered like balloons on strings. 

“Do you understand it’s not just you. It’s me too. I’m not just throwing you in the front of a bullet without throwing myself there too.” It’s here the emotion begins to creep back in, just a small amount of hysterics inside his voice. Yes; there may be bullets but it would be the two of them. “It’s the only way we can really get this set in motion. Really, me and you.” If he could he might cry, but he can't. There is only dryness inside of him.   


“I think you’ve been reading too much Romeo and Juliet.” Matt flicks his cigarette into the corner of the room, the two turn to watch it flicker and fade out on the damp carpet; “I think you should just let me die and you can live.” Someplace somewhere it starts to rain. Mello shakes his head; he isn’t sad , at least not in the way that most people get sad. He is feeling cheated almost. This is his plan and he knows with absolute one hundred percent certainty that it will work. 

But if it works he will die. They will die. The two of them. It’s his plan and it’s the plan that will work best and if Matt can not get on board it won’t work until he finds another person who will fit the same role. He can’t do it himself or he can, but he needs more time to figure it all into his plan.

“I’m not going to let you die you selfish little fucker.” Matt is smiling too, his teeth show in the dark. Mello understands the acceptance inside his voice. He will not have to find a new partner. He will not have to do it alone. He shakes his head and laughs.   


“You would think your teeth would be yellow by now. All that smoking.”

“I brush them every day, thank you very much.” His grin is wider, if they are going to die then fuck it. Fuck it all. “You serious about this plan?” He asks, he wants to touch Mello more, wants to kiss him and push him against the wall. He wants to make him feel small and helpless the way Matt always feels helpless. He wants to make him hurt with his humanity until he remembers that you can’t just die and then be okay. He wants to make him remember what they have between them. What it feels like to be loved so much you would give your life for somebody else without wanting anything in return. He mostly wants to make him see stars and forget his name and the day and his stupid fucking plan. He wants everything to be perfect; because if this is the last time he can feel this body between his legs squirming for him then he wants to remember it forever. He wants this to be the last thing he'll ever remember.   


“I am.” 

“Then show me what’s worth dying for.” 

**Author's Note:**

> I have NOT written anything death note related since 2008 (Honest to god I signed into my old DA account and just checked myself). Please take it easy on me, may write a second part to this at some point?


End file.
